Messy Spirituality

There is a set of beliefs. Church is a specific place that we go on a specific day to do some specific things. Church more or less becomes a program, some events, certain religious formula. Faith is boxed neat and tidy, linear and causal. Here God is tamed and is controllable. Not much to expect.

I am switching to the originals that church is a group of Jesus followers and is the life they live together. It's 24/7. Just as life is full of twists and turns, church life is messy, with lots of interventions. Right there God becomes who He always is, an uncontrollable God. Setting His own agenda. Achieving His own purpose. And revealing His beauty and love to the pure at heart.

I was so blessed to have seen God done it weeks ago. And the way Jesus revealed himself makes me ashamed of my neat-and-tidy spirituality. He drove me on my knees in awe...

Concluding our first Sunday worship at home, I wanted to see my kids become more serious. That is sitting still on chair while studying Scriptures, and sharing orderly, all standing up for praises... So in the second Sunday worship, I set in some formats.

I set the chairs in row like what they did when attending children worship in traditional churches. To differ our Bible study time than their own devotion time, I even cut cardboard and draw signs of light bulb, question mark and arrow to increase their participation. And I planned a service agenda in my mind. We would pray first, then sing praises, study Scriptures about early church life, sharing... For fitting the kid's level of understanding, I even download an animation presentation about believers "coming together." With all these well thought and well prepared, I expected they would worship Jesus and somehow meet Jesus.


Now Sunday morning came. We dressed up (kind of confusing to kids, as one time they wore pajamas to play transformers, 15 minutes later, they dressed up to worship God in the same room, with the same family. Seemed to them God hated pajamas!).

When we sang praises together, I expected to see we all sang. But Joshua, our prayer warrior, didn't feel like singing. He just sat there. We tried to urge him to sing with us. He just didn't care, sat on his chair and continued reading David and Solomon. I was upset. Then came Bible study time. The 3 signs did attract them. Maybe a bit too much. When I asked a question, they started to take the sign to respond. They all tried to grasp a sign. Now Caleb complained Joshua taking his sign. Philip ended up getting no sign... And I had to make some new rules again. Maybe they sat for too long or what, they just moved around, from chair to floor, from floor to another chair, fighting to sit with Mom... Caleb moved too much that he fell from his chair! What a church life to me?!

Then we sang a last song to end this Sunday worship. Then they huddled around my laptop and was so excited and asked me to show them more for-kids animation stuff from YouTube. I played 3 more to them before we headed to McDonald for lunch. Caleb was moving here and there while Joshua was very attentive at this moment...The last one is called "I love you."

Before we left, Joshua and I had a little talk in bath room. Joshua was not happy. He was very sad. I asked him what happened. Joshua said, "I feel sorry for Jesus." "Ha Ha" came to my mind. "Holy Spirit must have convicted him of his uncooperative manner in worshipping God," I thought. So I was not slow to teach Joshua a lesson...(Are you ready for some bad Christian parenting? For someone playing God?)

I said, " Joshua, you know what. You should sing with us to praise God... You should be more cooperative and more serious in worshiping God. Say if we have other kids joining us in our home church, they will follow you as you keep on doing silly thing...God thinks we are not ready because you guys are not worshiping him properly. That is why He had not added people to our church yet. Not until you guys are ready. Now you know you were wrong. Confess to Jesus..."

Joshua said, "I am not thinking this." "What do you mean?" I said. Joshua said, "I feel sorry for Jesus. That kid left Jesus alone."

(Suddenly I remembered how attentive Joshua was when watching "I love you" It was about a kid no more wanted Jesus in his life. He just threw stones, bad words to get rid of Jesus.)

Jesus slapped my face when I realized what really made Joshua so sad. He was sad to see this kid no more loved Jesus.

So I embraced him and said, "It's alright!" Instantly he dived into my arms and sobbed. My naughty boy Joshua cried and cried heavily. I led him to my room. Let him sat on my lap, pull him into my chest, let him cried a good cry for Jesus. I never seen a kid crying for Jesus so much. Not my kids. Not any kid. Not often in adults. But here's my uncooperative son, who not following the last details of my agenda, brought forth in his most inner part, a pure love.

If the heart of worship is all about Jesus, who's now the real worshiper? I would never forget that sacred moment. When I held Joshua in my arms and let him sob for Jesus, the world stopped, I was touched, very much by a naked love of a kid to Jesus. I felt Father God was so delighted to see his Son that much loved & treasured by a young heart that day.

I was forced to confess my stupidity, my religiosity, my playing of God, wanting this wanting that happen(even though they were of good intent). Jesus just ripped my box (frame of reference) apart. He didn't show up according to my time frame, 11:00 am to 1:00pm. He revealed himself when it's "done" (1:01pm). Jesus didn't make much use of my preparation, not the songs, not the Scriptures, not the animation I picked. It was the kid's choice, not planned, not intended, randomly picked animation that Jesus chose to reveal His presence. While I planned to build in some order for worship, Jesus welcome interventions, allowed distraction and diversity. He showed me when God becomes who He is, uncontrollable, He would pour out much more blessings, and above all, His presence.

He will show up. But expect Him to show up in unexpected ways.

That is simple church life. 24/7 Jesus followers. Jesus the Master, not visitor. Worship is only about Jesus, only in spirit and in truth. Interventions as divine. Box would be smashed, as we experience God afresh. It's church. It's life. It's messy. But we'll see His beauty face to face. What else a worshiper longs for?

See this & check if you have a naked love of a kid to Jesus ('I love you'): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bj8Xgsy5veg&feature=related