Jesus said, "The road that leads there is so hard to follow..."(Mat7:14b, CEV)The mind was yet settled. The clothes still wet. Waiting in a small jet plane for the thunderstorm to stop and then flew back. I asked my wife, "Did you benefit from the workshop?"
It would at least give me some comfort if she said "Yes." Because I didn't.
We had attended this 2 days Organic Church Workshop in Cleveland 22-23/7. We were now flying back to Vancouver via Toronto. I wanted to see at least my wife would benefit from it if that was not me.
I had high expectation of it. We decided to attend at least 4 months ago. We invited some possible partners to go as well. But as time unfolded itself, all of them had reasons not to go with us. But we never looked back even though that means flying all the way from coast to the almost coast just the two of us.
We prayed for possible fellowship and connections with people there including the speakers. But apparently it's not achieved because of the tight schedule. We prayed for good weather. But it turned out to one blazing 40 degree or the other sweeping thunderstorm. I worried about the connecting flight. And worries came true. We got stuck in Cleveland airport because of thunderstorm and missed our connecting flight in Toronto. And our new flight to Vancouver got delayed again. We landed home 2:30 in the morning. Not to mention the messy check-in counter in the ex-Lebron James city.
We paid at least $2000 for the whole trip. And 2 families took turn to care for our 3 kids. With all these costing and sacrifices, I thought it's justified to ask, "Do we benefit from it?"
God shocked me when he said, "Why do you see it in a "we benefit" way? Why don't you see it in what you could benefit others?" (With this non-self-seeking twist of thinking, who could it be if not Him?)
Suddenly I was relieved. I don't have to tell myself and others that this trip was worthy of all costs because we so so benefited from the messages, etc and etc. And suddenly I realized how far my mind and heart was from his. We love to justify our sacrifice, time and money, by what we get from it. It's in our DNA. A thinking needs no thinking. But in God's Kingdom economies, how much other people benefit from it is always his calculation, his formula. Remember the saying of Jesus - "It is more blessed to give than to receive." And suddenly I had a new perspective...
Give credits to Neil Cole and Ed Waken who did great job to introduce the Organic church planting concept. I didn't "get" much new discoveries because I had read four of Cole's books and others beforehand. Neil Cole kind of kidding said I could teach and he could sit. But it's no more about new information. We had seen wonderful people having great passion for the harvest as well as the Lord of harvest. Our presence, by flying thousand miles, by being the only Asians and the only Canadians, encouraged them. We prayed for one another. Definitely we touched some hearts as ours were warmed by not a few. Since we had been praying for this simple/organic church a long time and starting it for half a year, we had some hands-on struggles to share...
Could God fly us there just for these? Why not! The answer lies in our understanding of who God is: the God who loves to give, or the God who loves to take? Everything will change with the right understanding - the way we do church, the way we view the world and interact with people, and of course, our expectation on a workshop...
I had double blessings. Apart from this revelation of "give and take," He gave me an experiential understanding of what it takes to walk down the road that leads to multiplication of disciples and churches...
Our trip to and from Cleveland was a tough one. The flying time added up to a single trip to HK except the comfort and flights connections. Our swim suits never got wet. The hotel pool was to look not to use because of the schedule. As said, all the things we prayed for happened the other way. You could imagine our anxieties and frustration.
Anxiety was the right word. All through the workshops, we had time to talk to a few people around our table. Most of them are pastors. They felt frustrations with the institutionalization of churches as well as God's calling for them to start the simple/organic expressions of church. But one thing always worried them was the job, the finance. They agreed that they had to take up "secular" vocation in order to carry on this journey. That's the anxiety part.
And we shared the same anxiety as well because we had thought about how far the this road is going to take us. Forfeiting the clergy tax benefits and steady income soon at sight, taking up any kinds of jobs as tent making - just jobs no more career, dive alone into the unknown non-believers world, a few believers knowing and supporting your beliefs on this trip. Loneliness is the deal. Struggling in the realms of neither here nor there. Constantly in need even daily bread. Constantly in need of faith, of hope and of love for us and for others. Sometimes I feel like crying. I did cry. Before Him. Only He knows. He knows what it takes on this road...
Sitting in that plane and reflecting of the whole trip, these two trips seemed to converge. God told me once again that this road to fulfill his purpose in "making disciples of all nations" and church multiplications is never an easy road. It's bumpy, it's narrow, it's very hard for one to follow... There's great costs attached, sacrifices of this life to make...
But more and more I believe faith is about being courageous, taking risks and bearing cost to pursue Jesus, acting on our convictions and trusting Him for the outcome, knowing, however hard it is, it is a road of adventure and new discoveries of who He really is, of what's in His heart.
What count most is the end. We are going to see Jesus Christ, smiling and applauding, in the finish line. And as we look back, we'll see it is no more we alone running on this road. There are many thousands. And Jesus is smiling to all of us. He's loving it.
Thank you Neil and Ed and all the fellowships of the Lord down in Ohio. We love you all.
