I had my birthday wish.
I had a birthday vision.
Is it my wish? Is it God's vision? I know not. I call it Wis...ion.
Yesterday. 11.4. My B-day. 51.
The day before yesterday. 11.3. I posted in facebook: "Being 51 is not much fun..." Suddenly birthday greetings fall like our autumn rain, don't stop, yet with joy.
I was down. Thinking of 51. Entering into 51... did arouse my emotions.
When my eyes not fix on Jesus, I fall, like Peter. Looking at elsewhere, bring me down.
There are many reasons for these emotions... Being 51 is one.
It is not that I worry about my outlook. I am happy with it.
I don't worry about my physicality. My recent workout starts to pay off.
I am not in mid-life crisis. I had enough rebellions at a younger age...
I know my purpose. My whole being - body, soul & spirit -is ready for the kick-off. I am high and up on a life purpose.
So what made me down for being 51...
Maybe Paul was right. I shouldn't look back all those 50 years lived.
Incident after incident, my life rolled out...
Faces of friends, alive or dead, or half dead. Good times and bad times. Memories. Lots of memories...
And suddenly like that rabbit slept long under the tree, woke up and found out time flied away. What remained was just that much.
These rolled out during my prayer on 11.3, the day before my B-day. I was sad, not because I didn't live a colorful life. I had led enough wild and crazy life that men in pub will surely envy. I was sad because I didn't give the best of my life to love Jesus, to serve Jesus and to witness Jesus. I was down when I started to count the years ahead that I still can serve Jesus on earth, that I can proclaim Him to the earth's end. The sad thing is...not much time left for 51. I felt sorry for myself.
In prayer, I poured out this feeling to Jesus. Longing to draw close to Him. Showing Him my love and adoration for Him. Then I received a vision in my mind. And this became my 51 B-day wish...
"I saw feet in sandals. Feet in sandals walking on sandy and gravel path... wherever the foot stepped out, the sandal was right beneath it. Whenever the foot stepped out, the sandal followed literally in the exact same place..."
Seeing this picture in mind, I said my wish to Jesus...
"Lord, let me be the sandals on your feet. Wherever you go, I go...
Lord, make me that sandals on your feet. When you were on mission to the Samaritan woman at the well, I was with you... When you are on mission to the lost, the broken-hearted, the poor, let me be on mission with you. I go where you go.
Lord, let me be the sandals of the Good News ready to walk that distance with you.
But make sure it is you who lead, I am, the sandals, to follow. Not that I try to step on every foot prints you left. Even more so. Like a sandal of your foot, every step you made is every step I'll make.
Jesus, I want to be your sandal. Stay low. Stay humble. Stay beneath. Dirty for you. That I let every little piece of sand or rock beneath me pierce me. That Lord, the way for you will be a bit easier.
I want to be your sandal. On a mission with you. Yes. But most of all, I long for the closeness, the proximity. I want to be drawn close to you. So close, Lord. Like the sandals to your feet. Skin to skin. Heart to heart. With each of your step, I feel it. I touch it. So personally. So intimately. So closely. And so lovingly..."
This is my B-Day wish. At 51.
I hope. I believe it is more than a wish. It is a God-given vision. My Birthday gift. The best one. Then it'll be a foretell of what I am doing - on a mission. Of how I am doing it - closely with Jesus. That I shall be seeking His heart, following His step, in my coming years.
I love this vision so much. It starts to drive me up and high again.
If you find it hard to believe in vision, take it as my B-Day wish. Then do pray to God that this wish of mine comes true. I don't mind it is a wish. As long as it'll come true. Let's me blow my candle!
Be it a vision. Be it a wish. Let's His will be done, on earth, in me in you, as it is in Heaven. Amen.
